Disclaimer: I am from Chicago. Most Midwesterners think Californians are loopy. I thought so too. Then I moved here, and now I think California is heaven on earth. I can’t speak for the remaining Midwesterners, but I think I was subconsciously jealous that I didn’t live here. Consider the post below as a love poem to my beloved (new) home state:
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $300,000 and still can’t afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
4. Your child’s 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.
5. You can’t remember … . is pot illegal?
6. You’ve been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You can’t remember … . . is pot illegal?
9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.
12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
13. You can’t remember … . .is pot illegal?
14. It’s barely sprinkling rain and there’s a report on every news station: “STORM WATCH.”
15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.
16. It’s barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????
18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons.
19. The Terminator is your governor.
20. You visit the eye doctor because, as you find out, you have stretched your inner eye lid by smooshing your face into your pillow while you sleep. Your dr. informs you that this is a common problem for obese people. You are a size 6.**
**OK, I admit that I had to delete the original #20 as sent to me, because I found it offensive. The new #20 was added by me; and yes, it is a true story.